Desire

Posted on February 2, 2019 by Atul Kailash

To strongly wish for or want something is Desire. According to the Rig Veda, the Universe began, not with light, but with desire, ‘the primal seed’. Desires constantly arise in us, only to be replaced by other desires. Without this continuous stream of desires, there would no longer be any reason to do anything: life would grind to a halt, as it does for people who lose the ability to desire. An acute crisis of desire corresponds to boredom, and a chronic crisis to depression.

We were born from desire. But cannot remember a time when we were without it. So consumed are we to ‘desiring’, that we lose consciousness of our desires. And only realize when they clash with other desires.

If desire is life, why should we desire to control desire? —For the simple reason that we desire to control life, or, at least, our life. Paradoxically, our ancient religions almost always warned us that ‘Desires’ are the cause of conflicts.

In Hinduism, Desire is referred to as the ‘destroyer of knowledge and self-realization’. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism states that the cause of all suffering is ‘lust’, ‘coveting’ or ‘craving’. Even Christianity, presents that four of the seven deadly sins (envy, gluttony, greed, and lust) directly involve desire. Rituals such as prayer, fasting, and confession all aim at curbing desire.

Suffering can be traced back to desire. Fear and anxiety can be understood in terms of desires about the future. Whereas, anger and sadness relate to desires about the past.

Desire is not only hurtful, but its outcome even more so. The accumulation of material wealth – houses, cars, and other riches rob us of our time and peace. You think that acquiring things will make you feel secure, but the reality is that the more you have the more fear for losing it. This continually drags you further and further away from the peace your soul is yearning for. An excess of desire is called greed. Because greed is insatiable, it prevents us from enjoying what we already have. The greater problem of greed is that it is all-consuming, reducing life to nothing but an endless quest for more. To want something and not get it leaves you feeling frustrated. Learning to be free from desire is learning how to be peaceful. Desire causes peace to disappear.

No sooner is one desire fulfilled, people formulate new desires. The problem is that our desires evolved ‘merely’ to promote our survival and reproduction. They did not evolve to make us happy or satisfied, to ennoble us, or to give our life any meaning beyond them. Today, survival is no longer the most pressing issue. Yet here we still are, chained to our desires like a slave to his master.

“Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.” – Elbert Hubbard

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Feeling anxious? Nothing to fret over.

Posted on January 20, 2019 by Atul Kailash

To feel anxious when one attempts something new is natural, it becomes a problem though when it stops us from achieving our goals. When it grows into a feeling that we just don’t seem to be able to shake off.

Mistakes are a big cause of anxiety. We all make mistakes. It is natural. The trick is to learn from them. Ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this? How can I learn from this?’

‘Make Mistakes’ might be a goal worth considering. At the least, it deserves to be called a New Year resolution. Why? As Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Mistakes are the essence of learning. As people encounter new things and develop new skills, they will make mistakes. Mistakes or failure must not be seen as incompetence but as growth challenges – necessary for learning.

Mistakes must become opportunities to learn and grow. Have the courage to say to yourself – ‘I am going to practice thinking differently’. Although, learning from mistakes cannot be automatic, we can teach ourselves that they are an important part of the learning process. How many things you know were actually invented by mistake – Penicillin, Fire-crackers, Velcro, Potato Chips, X-ray images, even Plastic and Ice-cream!

Having some fear of mistakes might be a good thing as it may actually help performance enhancement. But excessive fear could cause problems. Avoiding fear-provoking situations, social meetings – dating, presentations, etc., and procrastinating about not being able to complete a task.

A helpful tool to overcome mistakes is – Repeated and frequent practice. Over time, you start to feel more comfortable with making mistakes. Don’t be discouraged if your anxiety doesn’t lessen right away, this is normal and expected. Keep trying and repeating as frequently as you can.

Never think that you cannot conquer your anxiety. You can. Just imagine a life without anxiety.

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” -Charles Spurgeon

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Step Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

Posted on January 15, 2019 by Atul Kailash
The text book definition of “comfort zone” is that psychological state in which things feel familiar. The person is at ease and in control of the environment. It can also be termed as “an anxiety-neutral position.” Simply put, Comfort zones are those plush, cushy places that are nice to be in, but really do not offer you any real support for personal development.

Although, stepping out of a comfort zone raises anxiety and generates a stress response, this also results in an enhanced level of concentration and focus.

Inspirational quotes encourage you to get out and do something strange – something you wouldn’t normally do – as getting out of your routine takes so much work. With a little understanding and a few adjustments, you can break away from your routine and do great things.

Why is it that we tend to get comfortable with the familiar, but when we are introduced to new and interesting things, the glimmer fades so quickly? Pushing too hard might cause a negative result, and reinforce the idea that challenging yourself is a bad idea. It becomes our natural tendency to return to an anxiety neutral, comfortable state.

So, what do you really get when you’re willing to step outside of your comfort zone?

• You will be more productive. Comfort kills productivity. In the absence of deadlines and expectations, we lose the drive and ambition to do more and learn new things.

• You will have an easier time dealing with new and unexpected changes. By taking risks in a controlled fashion and challenging yourself to things you normally would not do, can prepare you for life changes.

• You will find it easier to push your boundaries in the future. Once you start stepping out of your comfort zone, you become accustomed to that state “Productive discomfort”. As you challenge yourself, your comfort zone adjusts so what was difficult and anxiety-inducing becomes easier as you repeat it.

• You will find it easier to brainstorm and harness your creativity. This is a soft benefit, but seeking new experiences, learning new skills, and opening the door to new ideas inspire us in educative ways. A positively uncomfortable experience helps us see problems in a new light.

The benefits you get after stepping outside of your comfort zone can linger. There’s the overall self-improvement you get through the skills you’re learning, the new foods you’re trying, the new country you’re visiting, and the new job you’re interviewing for. There’s also the soft mental benefits you get from broadening your horizons.

Now, a few quick tips –

Do everyday things differently. Take a different route to work. Try a new restaurant without checking the reviews first.

Whether the change you make is large or small, make a change in the way you do things on a day-to-day basis.

Take your time making decisions. Slow down, observe what’s going on, take your time to interpret what you see, and then intervene.

Do it in small steps. It takes a lot of courage to break out of your comfort zone. Identify your fears, and then face them step by step.

The experiences you have may be mind-blowing or regrettable, but that doesn’t matter. The point is that you’re doing it, and you’re pushing yourself past the mental blocks that tell you to do nothing.

Trying new things is difficult. If it were not, breaking out of your comfort zone would be easy and we would do it all the time.

It’s not a good idea to live outside of your comfort zone all the time. You need to come back from time to time to process your experiences. The last thing you want is for the new and interesting to quickly become commonplace and boring.

So, get out of that armchair or couch you are lounging in. Challenge yourself. to try something different. Anything that makes you a better version from what is today. Unlock the power and energy that comes from getting out of your really comfort zone.

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” – Brian Tracy
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Look beyond what you see and think

Posted on January 14, 2019 by Atul Kailash
“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~Wayne Dyer 
Being judgemental is having or displaying an overly critical point of view. Being aware is having knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.
Be aware, not judgemental. This means to remain mindful of all realities, including the negatives, but not to focus on them. People get caught up in the negatives because reactions manifest themselves as judgements, accusations, criticisms or labeling. Many of us have fixed opinions about people or situations, that can be perceived by others as judgemental or harsh. No sooner do we judge or criticize, we put everything into convenient boxes and mentally seal the fate of another person or of a situation. Our vision and attitude remain judgemental or critical if there is no input to encourage a positive change. There cannot be a positive output when there is a negative input. We want others to be better but, instead of helping, or having faith in them and seeing their good qualities, we concentrate on their past, their weaknesses or their mistakes.
Know that people are individuals, with their own peculiarities and characteristics. Try to develop capabilities to analyse and understand them. Learn the power of magnanimity. Accept others despite their failings. If you do need to criticise, try to weigh up the consequences before speaking to the person concerned because criticism needs to be constructive. Tread carefully when asked for your opinion. Demonstrating wisdom can bring respect. Steer clear of stereotyping people. This just leads to mediocre judgements. Keep that subtle control over your opinions creates the opportunities to observe human behaviour even more closely.
Look beyond what you see and think.
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Can Identity Be A Choice?

Posted on December 31, 2018 by Atul Kailash

“Who are you?”

Asked the same question ten times in a row, one is nudged to the realization that we all have more than one identity. Some people tend to identify at first with their name, nationality, gender, profession; others define themselves through their relationships (I am a mother, a friend) and some think of themselves first and foremost as human beings, a ‘soul’, a ‘force of energy’ or as ‘seekers of wisdom’. This exercise also brings the awareness that beyond these layers, there exists a mysterious ‘inner core’ or ‘essence’ that defies definition but shines through all our different identities. We are always ourselves, whether this be at work, with our family or on our own. In each environment we express different aspects of ourselves, but deep down we are still the same mysterious ‘centre of awareness’. In short, we are both one and many.

Are we just born with an identity? Is it ‘God-given’ and we have no choice but to accept and bear it as a kind of destiny? Or is identity something that can change and even become a choice? Most people would say that there are certain aspects of our identity (sex, cultural roots, etc) that we cannot change. Others, however, are the outcome of choices we made at some stage. We were not born to be ‘computer programmers’ or ‘mothers’ – but we chose to become them. And, most importantly, we can always choose how much priority we give to each of our different identities, even if we cannot change some of them. What do we prioritize: Our gender? Our nationality? Our status? or Our inner qualities?

For society to function and cultures to evolve, we need to learn how to transcend our differences. To consciously choose an identity that enables us to connect more with others and to empathise with them. Life is a journey from unconsciousness to consciousness. To be unconscious means to be impelled by inner or outer forces or circumstances. Whereas to be conscious means to be aware that we have a choice. Amartya Sen says: “To deny choice where choice exists is not only an epistemic mistake, it can also entail a moral and political failure through abdication of one’s responsibility to face the fundamental, Socratic question: ‘How should I live?’”

Choice is inescapably associated with responsibility. It seems much easier to say, ‘This is how I am, I cannot change it’. But history is full of atrocities that were committed because people felt compelled to act in line with a perceived and fixed identity. Amartya Sen’s message is that we should choose our identity of our own free will.

To quote Kofi Annan – “To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.”

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Resistance

Posted on November 21, 2018 by Atul Kailash
Resistance to change is the act of opposing or struggling with modifications or transformations that alter the status quo.
Resistance is a sign that our ego is being challenged and it occurs as we perceive the imminent change as a threat. Key words here are ‘perceive’ and ‘threat’. The threat need not be real or large for resistance to occur.
When we have to ‘face’ something new the first thing we meet is our own resistance. As we realize that there is something within us that needs to change, we experience resistance. To allow the change to flow through you, Let Go. Let go of things that you are comfortable with. Let go of abilities you have gained competence in. Because, you now have to move on to new challenges. Once we pass through this process, we find that something has ‘softened’ and ‘melted’ inside us. This was resistance.
Embrace Change.
“The resistance that you fight physically in the gym and the resistance that you fight in life can only build a strong character.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Life Is A Journey

Posted on September 16, 2018 by Atul Kailash
Some days, we feel like we are simply going through meaningless chores. The humdrum routine of life. Nothing seems exciting.
This is your ‘Going through life’ phase. When you are most likely to end up experiencing fatigue and boredom.
Surely no one wants that.
But how do we break out of the rut. Can we just turn our perspective around? Flip the coin to that other side. Much more pleasant. All we need is the r-factor. To add the ‘r‘ and enrich ourselves.
It is called ‘Growing Through Life‘.
By Growing through life, we will find learning and excitement even in the routine.
So what will you be doing today?
‘Growing through life’ or keep ‘Going through life.’
“Life is a journey and it’s about growing and changing and coming to terms with who and what you are and loving who and what you are.” – Kelly McGillis
Growing Through Life 150918
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Tomorrow Is Another Day

Posted on September 13, 2018 by Atul Kailash

There are many instances in life when one comes face to face with some facet of reality that could shatter you. The pain might create such a situation where one would find it hard to cope the future.

But life is not one big moment – life is several little things that, together make up the canvas of emotions and experiences. Life is also not about winning over obstacles and getting through the day (though many of us choose to believe that), but it is about how one navigates through difficulties.

In this human form, we are all here to learn a lesson or two. It would be foolish to believe that these lessons would come as a bouquet of roses. Rather, it is the thorns that would decidedly teach us a few things. Obstacles are small lessons and provide us with those instances of discomfort from where we should view the brighter side of life.

During these moments, it would be fruitful to remember,

  • The pain is not permanent. All will heal with time.
  • Worrying is no solution. It only gives you grey hair.
  • Others’ problems are not your responsibility. Clean your own plate before you take up someone else’s issues.
  • It is okay to cry. Crying releases stress. Bottling up emotions could lead you to depression.
  • You own your life. Believe in your freedom and never allow others to try and control your life.
  • Life is never simple. That itself is hard enough to understand. And here we are, trying to complicate matters even more.
  • Every cloud has a silver lining.

“Man needs his difficulties because they are necessary to enjoy success.” – A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

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Today I choose life

Posted on August 12, 2018 by Atul Kailash

The mind is a search engine.

Our memories are the data bank that is being searched.

The words we input, return the memories associated with them. When you type in: depressed, lonely, unhappy, etc., all those memories are retrieved and this is what you experience.

From today, choose what memories you want to recall. Then input those words in your ‘Search Engine’. Try words like “happy, peaceful, powerful, etc”.

See the result for yourself.

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” – Kevyn Aucoin

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Be Flexible

Posted on August 7, 2018 by Atul Kailash

Things that break easily tend to be rigid and hard. Therefore and to be unbreakable, we need to be flexible.

Circumstances change. Being flexible is about adjusting to such changes while keeping our goal in sight. This makes us unbreakable, and the journey easier.

It is also about resilience and sensitivity to things others say and do. Faith in ourselves. Confidence in our potential. Belief that there is benefit in everything that is happening.

Resilience is the super quality that can be best described by looking at people who have been knocked down by life and have returned stronger than before. Rather than letting failure overcome them, they find a way to rise.

Cultivate flexibility, build a positive attitude, promote optimism, manage emotions, and see failure as a tool to improve.

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” – Tony Robbins

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